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Here is a lovely title before the end of 2009. Sitting by the fire, reading your new favorite Twilight book, smoking a pipe, watching Cops on TV, trying to think of quirky comments to add to Facebook/Twitter profile, texting back a friend… when all of a sudden it hits you. That son of a (expletive) is a real (expletive, expletive, expletive). What is it about church people, are they born on Mars?

I find it interesting how humans are so all encompassing genie esque wise concerning OTHER peoples behaviors.  We talk about how Indians (dots on forehead) smell, or Mexicans are probably illegal and stealing all of our social security or whatever it’s called, the Jews some how have everything so we are for sure pissed at them, the Blacks get hit because, well… anything black can’t be good right? Except obviously the Black Album by Jay-Z. Why do Asians drive so bad and for all of the Americans who travel overseas and think you are awesome…. trust me, you have the worst reputation on the planet.

But wait… how is it that we know how ALL of these pieces of God’s creation are supposed to live? Hold on, let’s leave God’s creation out of it and just say, “creation”.  How is it that we know how ALL of these pieces of creation are supposed to live? Have we jumped into the King Lebron seat and garnered authority from all of earth’s gods to decide what/how humans should live? Is our life so magnificent that we conduct monthly seminars a-la-Tony-Robbins at $3000 per ticket to instruct other humans how to live, breathe, drive, smoke, communicate or play video games?

Maybe instead of laying down our Nazi_esque mandate on other humans with words such as “I Hate Church People”, we instead remove a couple of those words. Let’s say for the sake of entertaining our brains we just simplified and stated “I (blank) people?” Depending on the time, place and circumstance of your day at this given instant you will have a very different answer from the next reader. I can already hear the whisper as you read the new title slower: I ………. like (question mark) ……. people or maybe you just finished your 3rd triple, grande, non fat latte, extra hot and your response is more inline with this: I ……………LOVE, CHERISH, HATE, CUDDLE, CARE ABOUT, SMASH THEM IN THE FACE ……. people.

You feel limited by the fact that you are at work, your tired because you had a late night and you may have to work another holiday BUT you  just landed a free addictive stimulating beverage which shot your serotonin levels higher than Matthew Mcconaughey banging drums on the beach, naked. You are in the middle of euphoria and depression.  Yet, euphoria does feel pretty good.

Look, I am not the one to go through some counseling session about how you or a friend you know cannot tolerate a certain type of people. Mainly, because I haven’t found a way to monetize counseling sessions in a blog format. When I have, I assure you I will take full advantage as I travel the world and make fun of Americans. Why Americans you say? Well, because it’s like being Kobe Bryant on a breakaway with :04 seconds to go, his team, the Lakers are down by 1 and the Staples Center is going absolutely insane. Kobe is at half court and with his 6′ 6″ frame each step equals 1/4 mile. So after a couple steps Kobe sees the hoop and hears the crowd. O, I forgot to mention, it’s game 7 of the NBA championships against the Celtics.  Now, you tell me how hard is Kobe going to slam that ball ?

No, you are wrong, Kobe is not going to lay that ball up. He is taking it to the rack and taking it strong. He is not an old man, he is (expletive) Kobe Bryant, period. Sorry for the sidebar but I know I heard some George Gervin a-la-finger-roll expert just blurt out, “finger-roll-it-Kobe”.

If you want to get into some interesting reading about David (a Jew) and some of his thoughts toward the last part of Psalms, then check these out. Maybe you’ll have some fun with it as I did.

Psalm 148
Psalm 149
Psalm 150

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