http://500px.com/photo/200438

Well it’s that time of the year. No, not to go back to mind-numbing universities, long sleeve shirts, or THROWBALL. Yeah I know you didn’t like that last one.

This is the time of year to focus on the real football. The football played not with the hands but with the feet. The football that puts an entire city on the edge of their seat and makes grown men throw themselves around like little girls. The football that can excite a town, a nation, a world. My friends, FOOTBALL IS BACK!

Now you may say, “Soccer is so boring” in your typical, whiny, American accent. But as usual, YOU ARE WRONG!

You see, all your life some crackpot “friend” or “relative” told you that you should watch the MLS and the World Cup. Now don’t get me wrong, the MLS is improving and the World Cup has national pride. But that literally is the equivalent of watching Double A baseball and no-hitters all the time. Yeah, not very exciting.

The footy you should be watching resides in the heart of England. The Barclays Premier League – oh what a majestic name – is the most exciting, entertaining, enthralling league on the planet. Many a friend who had erroneously hated soccer now watch more Premier League footy than I do. I’m telling you, it’s contagious.

So on Saturday mornings, don’t sleep in or get your car washed. Turn your television to ESPN2 or Fox Soccer if you have it and watch the world’s most popular domestic league. Also there are many websites on line where you can stream the games for free. If interested, we can discuss in greater detail at an undisclosed location in the future (Twitter).

Let us not kid ourselves as Americans. If the ENTIRE world loves one game, maybe they are on to something. Eh?

So now me and my fellow I Hate Church writers will try to predict the future before your very eyes. Enjoy.

@AdelekeCreates (your humble correspondent)

Top 4: Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea FC, Liverpool

Favorite Team: Chelsea FC

Surprise Team: Stoke City

Player of the Year: Sergio “Kun” Aguero

Top Goal Scorer: Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez

Breakout Player: Romelu Lukaku

Bottom 3: QPR, Blackburn, Norwich City

@JPTroglio (the Italian Stallion)

Top 4: Manchester United, Chelsea FC, Manchester City, Liverpool

Favorite Team: Chelsea FC

Surprise Team: Tottenham Hotspur

Player of the Year: N/A

Top Goal Scorer: Wayne Rooney

Breakout Player: N/A

Bottom 3: Norwich City, Queens Park Rangers, Swansea City

@PagingDrVictor (supporter of THE DEVIL I mean uh Red Devils)

Top 4: Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea FC, Liverpool

Favorite Team: Manchester United

Surprise Team: Wigan

Player of the Year: Wayne Rooney

Top Goal Scorer: Sergio Aguero

Breakout Player: Daniel Strurridge

Bottom 3: Queens Park Rangers, Swansea City, Wolves

For football musings, in-game commentary, anecdotal fallacies, and football news on the hour follow @SirBadgeKisser. Really swell lad.

If you don’t know Pusha T, my guess is you have probably guessed he is an entertainer.  Your guess is accurate. Pusha T is a music entertainer who recently signed with Kanye West’s label, GOOD Music. Pusha released his latest mix tape, Fear of God in March this year and is set to release Fear of God 2 in June. The  lyricist and former Clipse member hails originally from the Bronx and has a new single (My God) that features an old employer of mine.

Who would have imagined an ex Clipse member and modern lyricist would include a televangelist in his latest video creation titled My God?

Chicago Bears 2011 Playoff Tickets

Nothing about church, God, religion or death on this post. This is for you, the reader and listener to experience 60 seconds of my friend Danny Chi (his whole name is much longer but for the sake of his privacy we will leave it at that). You see, Danny is a die hard bears fan and friend of mine since we were maybe 11 or 12. He rivals the Dos Equis guy as the most interesting man on earth. Anytime he leaves a voice message on my phone, I instinctively save it because it’s layered like a bean dip with metaphors deeper than if Socrates made a baby with Beethoven; he is THAT good.

A few days ago Danny left me a celebratory voicemail of my hometown Bears defeating the Seattle Seahawks. He had just left the game (as he is a season ticket holder) and ran into some of my friends from church at one of the hot spots in our town Burrito Jalisco. He inevitably had to ring me to share the great news of the Bears win (as if I lived on Mars and didn’t know) and how he ran into some friends of mine.

We all have friends like this (who are amazing) and it’s these kind of moments that make life more interesting. There may be some expletives in this voicemail and there may not be. It is up to you to decide what expletive means to you – cheers. DC, if you read this – Cant’ tell you how much I laughed at another round of your linguistics. Your vocabulary is peculiar, fitting and righteous in every way.

Danny Chi announces Chicago Bears Win 1/15/11 – VOICEMAIL

Danny Chi at Soldiers Field name dropping Aaron Rodgers (BELOW)

I recently ran into Leonardo DiCaprio, I mean Rich Wilkerson in New York City during the latest expansion of Hillsong in Manhattan. Between the laughs, awkward moments and past stories, I couldn’t help but not to re-highlight what he is doing in a little place called Miami. If you don’t know Rich, you need to and I suggest you stalk him HERE.

Rich Wilkerson Jr. launched and leads The Rendezvous, which is a youth movement in Metro Miami affiliated with Trinity Church. He is one of the flyest Jesus Influencers I personally know and courageously mobilizes the Kingdom for Christ. Big thanks to him, his wife and their team for allowing him to share some thoughts… hope you are in_spired.

iHateChurch: What is your greatest tool in drawing 18-25 demographic?

RW: The greatest tool we have at the end of the day is the person of Jesus. More and more I realize that people love Jesus. They love what he was all about. However, the problem is with His followers (which is us).

Mahatma Gandhi is one of the most respected leaders of modern history. A Hindu, Ghandi nevertheless admired Jesus and often quoted from the Sermon on the Mount. Once when the missionary E. Stanley Jones met with Ghandi h e asked him, “Mr. Ghandi, though you quote the words of Christ often, why is that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?” Ghandi replied, “Oh, I don’t reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It’s just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Every week I am constantly trying my hardest to teach and preach Jesus while removing myself from the picture. If we can get people to Jesus He will do the rest. Every part of His life was absolutely amazing. From his obscure birth in an outhouse to the way he conducted his day to day relationships. Of course we must never forget for one second the price he paid on Calvary that we might be forgiven from our sins. The cross seems to be the central theme of the Bible.

This beautiful story of redemption, where we the undeserving one, received grace and mercy from the Holy one. While the cross is mind-boggling let us never forget the power20of Jesus’ resurrection. For it is there that we are given the opportunity to walk into the abundant life he so commonly talked about. Until we rest in the finality of the cross, we will never experience the reality of the resurrection. The greatest tool we have is to simply (I know it sounds elementary) preach Jesus. Believe me it more than enough!

iHateChurch: How do you and your team change the thinking of a generation who Hates Church?

RW: Through honesty and transparency. So much of this generation has seen all of the bizarre, cheesy, phony, fake christian stuff. I really believe this generation just wants the truth. It’s funny because the Bible says we shall know the truth and the truth will set us free. You see until Christ is Lord of your life you are living in captivity. You are living in bondage. Once he becomes Lord of your life you walk into a freedom you never knew existed. Freedom from sin, guilt, fear, insecurity, depression, worry… the list goes on and on.

This generation just wants the real thing. They simply want the truth. Good or bad, they want it. There is an old saying, “just fake it until you make it.” Yet, that doesn’t cut it with today’s crowd. They would rather you just be honest until you make it. For instance I have numerous times said to my leadership team, “Hey guys I think we should do this, but I really don’t know how to do it,” or “I feel like God is telling us to go there, but I’m not sure how to get there.” I feel like the old school way was to just act like you had all the answers, pretend that everything was perfect. In reality nothing is perfect. If today’s leaders can approach every situation with honesty and transparency I believe slowly but surely this generations negative outlook on the church will change.

We have 2 more Parts to the saga with Rich Wilkerson… Be ready for the jumpoff to continue

Connect 2010 Conference hosted by Robb Thompson

I picked up my first conference workshop and had to do some sort of promo for it. I obviously cannot tolerate the standard, “Hey, my name is NO ONE CARES. My course will be talking about STUFF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT and I will teach you CRAP YOU ALREADY KNOW. So be sure to come AT THIS TIME FOR YOUR FREE LAME GIFT.”

So, needless to say, my conference session video is nothing like you have ever seen. We included sub titles to ensure our English speaking audience will be able to understand. This is for ninja, wizard idiots like me who are over watching crap intro videos.

My session is called The Cultural Mandate aka Christ in Culture aka QUIT BEING A HOMO AND LEARN HOW TO BE RELEVANT IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

I slept on this

Road trips are all about conquering. We blasted through 5 states (Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania) and finally arrived in Washington, Pennsylvania. This piece of information means absolutely nothing to you but to 3 guys with bloodshot eyes from too many road construction signs, it is a landing on the moon for us. Take a look at this little video about what – the – heck just happened.

I need to also mention, only a few hours later I slept on a park bench similar to this with 2 pillows and a blanket because there was no room for me in the Escalade. I now understand how Jesus may have felt in Bethlehem … I also fond out the sun and birds wake up way – too – early. The Brightness!!!

Ezra Hamilton Wedding Roadtrip

I am in the final stages of prepping my life for 16 hours of driving over a 30 hour period of time. One of my best friends is taking the plunge (Whoot Whoot Zeee, Get Soooooome!!) and getting married in a place called Wheeling, West Virginia. I, just so happen to live in Chicago’s Southland which gives me this amazing opportunity (uhhhummm, clear throat) to discuss with you 3 must have items for the perfect American roadtrip.

Just to clarify, I will be driving with 2 other psychos who actually took off work to do this with me. My good friend William Plut, aka Plutonium and Mark, aka Fluffy. They both are legends in my book before they said yes to driving with me across America. The real kick in the pants is we are leaving Thursday night, arriving West Virginia Friday morning and returning to Chicago by Saturday morning. Let me repeat, 16 hours of driving in a 30 hour window of time.

So, what are some key components to the perfect American road trip you ask?

AC/DC Power Converter

We know you already have the DVD in the headrest with 32″ rims. We go a step beyond to ensure we can plug in laptops, blender, George Foreman grill, toaster for grilled cheese or whatever else we need for our trip. Power is the key and without it your stuck listening to horrible mid-America radio, boring DVD’s on repeat or the same Summer Jam playlist which you never want to listen to again.

Mobile 3G Wireless Card

When you are on the road and you need to stay up for long periods of time you cannot simply depend on gallons of red bull or coffee. You need to have your mobile unit aka vehicle completely prepped for true mobility.

Why? If you wanna make a video in the car and upload it, now – you – can. If you wanna write a song and play it live to your global fan base while driving through the town of Zanesville, now – you – can. Obviously we will be on the usual Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Vimeo sites killing time.

Play__Stayyyy__Shun

These are the melodic words streaming into your ears when you turn this machine on. Although robotic, the words are some of the warmest and most heartfelt a young man or woman may hear all day. The digital bells in the background only add to its amazing_ness. We are talking about the all encompassing Playstation 3 folks.

Since we have rigged our mobile unit to mirror Air Force One, even Barack Obama will be able to be in contact with us. Many of you may not know but he is an avid gamer, twitterer, huge uploader of videos and hits the Red Bull pretty hard. That is why we love him and want to ensure he can get to us in the event he is stuck in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Favella level with no bullets and looking for the perfect place to camp/snipe. Our team is available for total recon.

Those are the gadgets and tools. Use them at will and try not to blow any fuses or you will be stranded and Barack Obama will not be able to find you. Good night and good luck.

Follow @Holaratcha daily brain grenades in Twitosphere.

{Disclaimer: This is a post written in a males perspective, proceed with entertainment}

The time is somewhere around 3am and I think I am in between the Bering Sea and North Pacific Ocean enroute to Japan. I finally had enough airplane food, plastic cups filled with water and  not being able to feel my semi asleep ###. It is time to embark on a walk to the on board lavatory.

Everyone is sleeping so luckily there is no line. No line can mean 1 of 2 things. It can mean either I have beaten everyone to the lavatory because I am an expert flyer or it can mean everyone beat me to the lavatory and I am stuck with their leftovers … literally.

I am a male and therefore I have the privelege of standing to urinate. While standing and staring into the lavatory toilet bowl I coudn’t help but notice a black sticky substance stuck to the bowl of the toilet. I obviously understand now that the entire airplane has already used the lavatory and I am now stuck with the leftover lavatory toilet.

In our bathrooms at home we have water in our toilet at all times to wash away what we call skidmarks or tire tracks. Unfortunately modern aviation has focused on other items and has left us to deal with a frequent skid mark syndrome (FSMS). So, here is the rub and what do you do?

I don’t like to stand up and stare at skid marks; so, my solution is to aim and fire this filth down the drain. I have to be sure I have enough fire power and accuracy to secure a victory. Many of us may view this as disgusting or horrific. I respond to these comments and say, “you are absolutely correct in your analysis, skid marks on lavatory toilets are disgusting and horrific“.

I recognized this dirty and unclean experience and decided to change it. I could have said, “I’ll leave it for the next passenger or flight attendant”. But No! So I planted my feet, unzipped, aimed and fired washing away nearly all of the stain. I recognized a need and acted as a change agent. Simple enough right?

What do we do when we spot stains on other humans? Do we walk by and say, someone else can  get that stain off, or do we point at it and say, that – is – so – disgusting and walk to the other side of the road?

If you think you can change something, then how come you don’t?

If you believe you have influence then why don’t you lead?

If your dreams are huge then why are you skipping past this dirt in front of you?

Check out The Parable of the Good Samaritan for added thoughts. You can also follow @holaratcha daily grenades in Twitosphere.

We would never classify church as a cult right? That sort of stuff only applies to David Koresh (Branch Davidians), Marshall Applewhite (Heaven’s Gate) a few recent wackos on CNN or most recently, disciples of a cult leader in Jerusalem abusing little boys.

I can hear your little cortex brains spinning and yelling, Yah! cult people are crazy and they are absolutely insane. Can’t believe they do stuff like that to people. How could they get those stupid people to believe in every word they say till the point of death? THEY – ARE – NUTS!!

You’re right, they are nuts but take a look at Webster’s definition of a cult: followers of an exclusive system of religious beliefs and practices

Ok, there are a few things to get you going but here are 5 ways to start your own church cult…

Mystique

You have to create a mystique concerning personal history and lifestyle. People are inquisitive and will demand your whole story.  It is imperative to communicate mystique while maintaining validity. You will need to undergo extensive research into the history of past and modern leadership. Take your time, study and craft your own personality. Details will determine attraction levels. Here is a great example:

“His early childhood as lonely, and it has been alleged that he was once gang raped by older boys when he was 8.[1] A poor student who was illiterate and diagnosed with dyslexia” – David Koresh

“She experienced considerable hardship during her childhood, including being raped at the age of nine and becoming pregnant at 14; her son died in infancy” – Oprah Winfrey

Differentiate

Once you begin building your values, history and story it is critical to differentiate your vision from another churches, oops, I mean cult. You will need to be seen as having an organic, emerging view of the future. Be sure this view is packed with passion. Remember, you don’t have to know everything you just need to know everything about your specific vision.

Be absolutely certain there is no one else using similar wording or mission statement. This is a good one I found courtesy of the Heaven’s Gate cult, “It is also possible that part of our test of faith is our hating this world, even our flesh body, to the extent to be willing to leave it without any proof of the Next Level’s existence”.  Make sure to use subtle words which signify death, you don’t want to scare people away initially.

Infusion

Now that you have your mystique and differentiation solidified, you will need to slowly infuse your beliefs to your circle of friends, I mean followers. Remember, don’t spring it on them too fast. Think about it as hot water and fresh tea infusing in a glass pot. It will take some time for them to understand.

Also, infusing is a great way to discuss your cult with friends and not overly frighten them. If you expand your whole vision/mission with them too fast they may blast your cult on a social media front and ultimately local authorities may get wind too early. You don’t want to blow your cult too early or you will minimize exposure. You only get 1 shot at international exposure, so play it cool.

Expand

A cult needs to expand or you are only a few steps from being admitted to your local psych ward. Your infusion process should create stickiness.  Be sure to not have too many followers initially because you will never be able to tactfully build infrastructure to your vision.

Historical suggestions are usually 6 or less, anymore will require full time attention. (see Fight Club for example). Also, you want to make sure none of these new followers are copying your idea/enlightment to start their own cult. You may need to enact non disclosure/confidentiality documents in writing which you can find here.

Summit

Many will say you need to have a retreat in an isolated wooded/desert area. Look, lets be honest, this has been done a hundred times. If you want to start a new cult you need to do something different. The word summit can be used tactfully as you lead your followers up this new found summit of life.

Initially, another word which can be used to infuse your ideas is “conference”. This is a great word to spread your vision into many lives who may never imagine themselves as part of a modern cult. Don’t forget to include hashtags # and Facebook “like” button to promote your new cult.

Become a cult follower of @Holaratcha in Twitosphere.

Screw all this mumbo, jumbo shrink junk and get to the root of the problem. Why should you keep paying someone when you can fix your marriage problems yourself? The reason why you don’t is because people say you can’t. I am here to say you can save your marriage. Let’s Go!

I bet your thinking I am gonna give you some awesome Bible verse or book to read. Better yet, you are probably waiting for the link to click on. Sorry, no links shall be provided. Keep reading and you will find a video to help you sort it all out. What I will provide is the #1 way to save your marriage.

If you are married grab your spouse and watch the following video. Try not to look or discuss the video till its conclusion. For those of you who are single, I suggest you quit looking at porn on your mobile phone.

Take a cold shower and while the ice cold water is freezing your body to the point of shivering, imagine a beautiful blonde girl. Watch this girl walk slowly toward you in the shower. She definately can see you naked, how embarrassing.

While your in fantasy land she reaches her right arm behind her back to secure her Japanese Samurai sword, and yes this sword is wickedly sharp.  She quickly moves toward you and before you can put the soap bar back on the soap dish she just circumcised you or cut it off. (wake up and quit looking at porn on your mobile) That may be an ancient proverb I misquoted or just insanely good advice.

Now, the video as promised and please follow our @Holaratcha daily chatter in Twitosphere.